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ABC – What I’m good at

Yet another piece from my profile. I was trying to be cute and funny, but I don’t really know if it was appreciated. I’m getting the feeling that people don’t want to read poetry when they are looking at profiles. Oh well!

Apple eating
Butt oogling
Crepe making
And drawing too
Eagle watching
Food eating
Gift giving
Also hugging you
Ink smudging
Joke telling
Kite flying
Lip-locking, ooh
Movie watching
Netflixing
Orange peeling
Putting on a shoe
Quilt folding
Rug burning
Soup sipping
Toe tapping tunes
Upside downing
Vulva drowning
Wishful thinking
X-ray posing nude
Yes or no-ing
Zipper zipping
Now I’m out of letters
I finished this too soon

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2014 in poetry

 

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Butterfly

Wrapped in hard cocoon
Waiting for that fateful day
Her glory exposed

 
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Posted by on May 31, 2013 in haiku, poetry

 

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Caught

The fear of getting caught
But not the fear of
Being seen

The fear of getting caught
Lacking approval and
Acceptance

 
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Posted by on April 9, 2013 in poetry

 

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April Fool’s

Book Club met once a month, rotating between the homes of the participants. Among them were my wife of eleven years Lauren, her BFF Gina from high school, a workmate of hers Carla, her sister Ryanne and mother Margaret, Miranda – a widow of two years and her recent high school graduate Jenny. It wasn’t intended to be a group composed entirely of women, but that was how it ended up and was likely to stay that way. Between the women their ages ranged from eighteen to late 60’s.

Generally speaking they met on the first Monday of every month. The March meeting had already passed and April was fast approaching. Emails and text messages were starting to go out making plans for the next event. We were to host, so my wife’s phone was constantly buzzing that week as things were being ironed out. We were lounging on the sofa watching some standup on the television when an idea popped into my wife head.

“Oh my god, did you know the book club is meeting on April Fool’s Day?” Lauren said, grabbing my arm. “Hmm? Oh, that’s cool.” I never was one to really make use of the day. A few pranks had been played on me when I was younger that weren’t easy to forgive or forget, so I usually just avoided the notion every year. “I should play a prank on the girls.” she said excitedly. “Really? Like what?” Often times I was part of the inspiration for her involvement in the events; baking deserts or composing salads, but I really didn’t want to volunteer for this one.

“I don’t know what prank to play.” She bit at her bottom lip and she tried to think of something. “Help me!” she paused the action on the screen to force me into giving her more attention. “No way! You know I don’t like April Fool’s Day. You’re on your own with this one. I’ll cook and clean for you, but I am not planning a prank.” “C’mon! It’ll be fun! You like the girls.” I groaned and tried to reach for the remote that she promptly kept out of my reach.

“Fine,” I said, “How about we put food coloring in all the food. Make it all sorts of random colors.” “Ew, no! There is always food left over anyways and who wants to eat dyed food?” she said. “Well, I don’t know! Play the show, please.” I whined at her hoping that she would just let me be. She flopped around on the sofa and turned away from me to pout as she picked up the remote and pressed play. I felt bad for not helping, but only a little. Pranks can back fire, something I knew first-hand.

“What book are you reading anyways?” I asked as the comedian on the screen struggled through some high-brow jokes. Lauren took in a huge, excited breath as she bounced up and down on the sofa clapping her hands. “That’s perfect!” “What is?” I frowned at her. I was more disappointed in myself for inspiring her prank idea than I was with her disrupting my comfortable position on the sofa by her bouncing.

“We can tell the girls that you are going to spank them!” she giggled as she played drums on my out stretched legs. “WHAT?! No way! What the fuck kind of book are you reading?” I sat up, shocked at her including me on something so crazy. “Fifty Shades of Grey.” She dismissed the title and jumped back into her scheming, “All the girls will be here and I will tell them that – that in order to get us more immersed in the characters, you are going to give us all a proper spanking!” “Are you crazy?” I stared at her, wide-eyed.

“And then what?” I frowned. Her wheels were turning as the prank began to boil. “And then you come downstairs wearing your pinstripe suit and act like you are really going to do it. Then right when they all start getting nervous you say ‘April Fool’s!'” It wasn’t as bad as the conclusions I was jumping to but still worse than what I wanted to be involved in. “I don’t know, honey.” “They all think you’re nice – and cute. They like you. It’ll be fun!” She tried to sweet talk me, something that rarely worked.

“I don’t think they like me enough to want me to spank them. Besides, some of them are married. Don’t you think their husbands would have something to say about that.” I asked, trying to reason with her. “Babe, you’re not actually going to spank them.” “I know, but what if they go home and tell their guys that I was going to. It’s just as bad.” To me it really wasn’t a safe plan. “You worry too much, Doug. It will be fine.” I didn’t like how she wasn’t taking my arguing as a “no.”

“I’m not doing it.” I said defiantly. “What’s there to do? All you do is put on a suit, come downstairs and say ‘April Fool’s.’ It’s easy. I will do all the rest.” She obviously wasn’t going to give up. “Let’s talk about this later.” I said. I needed more time to come up with a better argument. “Fine.” She said picking up the remote. “It’ll work out just great. I promise.”

Later never came. We were busy with our lives beyond book Club and then getting ready for their get-together and before we knew it, it was Monday, April 1st. As I finished up plating some food Laren flew into the kitchen. “I’ll get the rest of this, Love. You get up stairs and put your suit on.” I dropped food on the counter in shock. “You can’t be serious!” “Of course I am! We talked about this.” she said as she cleaned up after me and tried to push me out the door.

“We never finished talking about it!” I called out. Lauren grabbed some platters and rushed towards the stairs to the finished basement. “Just get up stairs and get dressed, they will be here any minute.” I plodded up the stairs as I thought of every possible thing that could go wrong. Like a robot I changed my clothes, slid my t-shirt over my head letting it fall to the floor of the bedroom. Pulling my cell phone out of my pocket, I tossed it on the bed as the screen flashed that I had a message. My jeans dropped to the floor as I stepped out of them and made my way to the closet.

My phone buzzed again as I snapped back to reality. Standing there in my boxer-briefs, I suddenly realized I was very much turned on by the thought of spanking a group of women. My erect penis made an embarrassing bulge as it strained to free itself. Absentmindedly I set it free and stroked its shaft, picking up the phone from the bed. The first message read “It’ll be fine, don’t worry!” The second, “They’re starting to show up, I’ll text you when it’s time.” I looked down at my hand wrapped around my cock. “Fuck. This isn’t going to go well at all.”

I was cinching up the knot in my black silk tie when my cell buzzed on the vanity. “Show time! xoxo” it said. I left out a great sigh and headed for the door. As I gripped its knob something caught my eye. Hanging on the wall was a cricket bat that had a mountain scene burned into it. A small voice inside my head prompted me to grab the bat as the rest of me failed to fight it off. This would certainly hit a home run for Lauren’s game.

As I neared the base of the stairs I heard Lauren wrapping up my introduction. “…and to get us all more immersed into the book and help us understand the characters better, Doug has offered to give us all a spanking!” There were murmurs and giggling following her sentence that immediately stopped when I came into view. I looked like a hitman from the mob as I stood there in my suit, the bat hanging from my right hand.

“Who’s first?” I asked in a commanding voice that I hadn’t used in years. My eyes burned down the line of women as I looked for the slightest flinch that would urge me to reveal the joke. Nobody budged. I cleared my throat in feigned irritation and bounced the bat off the palm of my other hand a few times. “Well?” I tried not to look at Lauren as I knew I would crack if I did.

“Fine. If nobody will volunteer then I will have to pick.” All of the women still stared at me in stunned silence. “Gina.” I growled at my wife’s BFF as I pointed to her with the bat on the end of my outstretched arm, “you will go first.” I figured she would be a safe victim to lure into the joke as she would be the most likely to not be offended at being selected for me to spank.

Gina stood up and walked towards me. “Grab the chair.” I commanded as I motioned with my head to the direction of a desk. She walked over to the chair and placed her hands upon the hard wooden back. “Bring it here.” I made another attempt to sound irritated as I pointed to an empty space in the middle of the room. Gina drug the heavy chair behind her to the place in front of the other women.

“Get on the chair.” Again Gina obeyed, climbing atop the chair and watching me intently, wondering how serious I was. “On your knees!” I almost yelled as she startled and quickly turned around and pushed her ass out in my direction, but then that small voice in my head spoke up again, this time its words becoming my own. “No…” I glared at her, “Pull down your pants.” Alarms went off in my head screaming “what are you doing?!”

Gina blushed and timidly spoke up as she undid her button and began to slowly reveal her pale ass. “Can you use your hand please? I’m afraid of the paddle.” The group of seated women were wide-eyed. Some had the hands to their chest or mouth. Lauren stood there with her mouth hanging open and finally moved once all of Gina’s naked bottom was visible.

“April Fool’s!” Lauren yelled, scaring the book club half to death. Gina quickly pulled up her pants, more from being startled than from embarrassment. She had completely forgotten about her group of voyeurs. The women laughed nervously and teased each other that they thought it was real. “Good one, Lauren!” someone called. “Oh thank god!” another sighed heavily.

“Well ladies, thank you for letting me play a prank on you,” I said politely, now slightly embarrassed for letting myself get out of control with women I barely knew. “If you’ll excuse me I’m going to go climb out of this monkey suit.” I turned to head back up the stairs when someone blurted out “Hey! Wait! I want a turn!”

“Jenny!” her mother immediately scolded. The youngest member of the book club had the courage to say aloud what several others were keeping to themselves. I paused on the stairs to look back at them. Lauren was caught off guard just as much as I was, “Really?” she asked in disbelief. We had tried spanking earlier in our relationship and discovered she didn’t much care for it; not enough to repeat it anyways.

“Yeah. C’mon, we were all just talking about wondering what it would be like. Now’s our chance!” Her youthful optimism was charming as she looked around the room for someone to agree with her. Most of the women avoided eye contact with her or with me. Finally the matriarch, Margaret stood up, “Nobody needs to see my old naked ass,” she announced. She looked to her two daughters to see which would be her ride home. Neither one moved as they struggled with the opportunity they had been presented with.

“Miranda, take me home.” She gave Jenny’s mother an escape that she cautiously accepted. I still stood on the stairs as they walked past; the matriarch chuckled and patted me on the back. Miranda looked to me with pleading eyes. I nodded in understanding that her daughter was to be handled, no, paddled with care.

“Anyone else leaving?” I asked as I came down from my perch. I looked to my wife, wondering if she would put an end to it all. Part of me wished that she would as I feared getting carried away and doing more than just spanking. It was a wonder that none of them noticed the bulge in my pants. All of the women in the book club were attractive but they were also Lauren’s friends.

“I just want to watch,” Lauren said as she drifted over to the couch. That settles that then, I thought to myself. I looked down the line of four women that I would be spanking. All of them waited for my mark. “Gina?” I called and she slowly rose from her place on the couch, “Where were we?” She smiled and undid her jeans as she walked over to the chair that was waiting in the middle of the room.

 
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Posted by on April 1, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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A Death at Sea

Draped in nothing but a shawl
You float above the sea
A salty, searing siren song
As aluring as it could be
You’ll call me to your bosom
And let taste your flesh
Then cast me onto jagged rocks
Where I will meet my death

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2013 in poetry

 

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Sunrise

20130310-092408.jpg

 
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Posted by on March 10, 2013 in photography

 

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CMD+O, Possibly TMI

Going Commando.

Take it or leave it, that’s how I roll. Generally speaking of course – there are times that call for undergarments, but to me those times are far and few between. I’ve done some research into the matter so before you get all in a huff and make any judgments on me, think about it for a spell.

I don’t really know much about ladies undergarments. I know there are different types for different reasons, made of different materials, etc. etc. But I’m far from an expert on those after all I’ve only tried on a few different things, but those are stories you’ll have to ask for on your own… and don’t get bent yet, they are a lot less exciting than you might think. So on to the underwear of men!

The two most common functions of underwear are support and to keep outer garments from becoming soiled. While I am athletic I don’t do as much of that as I used to and if I do feel the urge, I will slide on a pair of boxer-briefs for support. Yes, it does become uncomfortable after awhile of things bouncing around. Well, just the testicles really. They have weight and they are attached to the rest of your body by skin, blood vessels, and various other tubes. Basically the bits aren’t meant to be yo-yos so you need to strap them down from time to time.

So when it comes to types of men’s under garments to keep thing in place you really only have briefs and the variations there-of: from bikini to boxer. I’ve done the tighty-whities, the bikinis (including animal prints), and since playing sports have settled on the boxer-brief it keeps things in place and can help keep more of your body warmer in lower temperatures. Boxers offer zero support and even try to split things up, which is never, ever a good thing.

The other most common function of underwear is to keep garments from becoming soiled. This certainly makes sense but here’s my take – I wipe my ass, avoid shitting myself at all costs, and in terms of leaks from the old garden hose, I give it a good shake when I’m done (not too good, or I might get carried away). While no amount of shaking will ever really avoid all drips from occurring I don’t own any light colored pants where this is going to be an major issue.

Now on to the drawbacks. I’ve already stated that boxers offer no support, but will now add that they also do little to keep you from soiling the outer garments. Unless you are sitting down, anything that occurs whilst in boxers will proceed down your leg. You might as well be commando. All the variations of briefs suffer from the same issue, they retain odors. They don’t let things breathe, so if you are sweating or suffering from drips, shits, etc. things are going to be smelling it up in there. Personally, I don’t want to be smelly.

One thing I didn’t mention and purposefully saved for last is sex appeal. I don’t really know if that works much as it generally is in the eye of the beholder. Is it sexy? I don’t really know. I take a certain level of interest in women that are going commando (especially in skirts ha!). I used to feel sexy when I went sans underwear, but those days are gone. Maybe I’ve gotten used to it or maybe I’m just old and boring now.

 
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Posted by on November 26, 2012 in Commentary

 

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